Sunday, August 9, 2009

Running with mental pain- sustained by PRAYERS

Today was suppose to be a 5 mile run. I got on the treadmill and stared my warm up and then I tried to run but the pain was so hard. I stopped the TM and put my head on the handle bars and just about cried. I stood up and tried again for the next 2 laps I could do no more than walk. Once more I stopped the TM and just wanted to cry. It was so painful and I tried to tell myself I had been through enough and just needed to quit for today.

What caused this pain? At 3:50AM friday Aug 7th I woke up to my 80 pound lap dog in pain, trouble breathing, standing was almost more than he could do. I turned the light on and realized this was really bad. He looked at me with eyes that cried "HELP ME". There was nothing I could do. I opened the door to the rest of the house and he went to the water bowl and tried to put his tongue out to drink water. He couldn't even get his tongue to the water. He proceeded to the dining room where he loves to lay in the daytime. He walked around the table and collapsed on the floor. I grabbed the phone and called my brother I was in panic mode. Told him Ian was dying please can he come over. I looked back at Ian called his name. His eyes looked up at me because he could not lift his head. His whole body just let go and he looked peaceful and I thought I need to get Mom and open the door for Ken. But instead I had to check on Ian to see if he was gone. I went over to him called his name this time he did not respond - I reached down and petted his head and knew he was gone.

My mind knew I had time to walk/run later. But, instead I told Ian please just run with me. Please just help me do this. I was angry and I could not run. I decided I would just walk but I was going to do something today. If only one mile then that is what it would be. By mile 2 I was really angry and picked my walking speed up. I decide I would walk the whole thing fast - I think I wanted to hurt so I couldn't feel the pain in side my heart. By mile 3 I knew I could do this and on mile 4 I started a walk run pattern. At the end of mile 4 I was determined to make the 5 miles. Yes, I did make it.

God's grace and strength filled me. Prayers from friends and family lifted me up and strengthened me. I did not do this run/walk by myself - I could not have done that. That is just one way prayer works. I need the strength from outside of myself. Please keep praying - it works.

Pace 15:32 - 5 miles

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